"Even in the high school?" I ask.
"Yes, even in high school."
I had seen them before, standing on the corner, as I was coming back from Tamarindo one night around 9:00 pm. I've heard about the other known corners. And I've seen the change in my neighbor over the past several months. Her face once held a smile. Now she looks stoic, as if she has no emotion at all, no feeling left in her thin, frail body.
But in high school? This I hadn't known. I hadn't anticipated it. I'm not sure why, given that our particular province or state is one of the leading in the country for human trafficking, being that is close to the Nicaraguan border.
Then, I saw them. I was coming home around 7:00 last night. Night had fallen, as it does every day around 6:30 or so. I was almost home and I saw them walking. My neighbor, whom I had suspected of having a new, umm…profession. And then I realized she was with her sister, who is still in high school, although she already has a small son of her own.
And suddenly it was hard to breathe. My heart hurt. My chest tightened. And they passed. And there was nothing. Not one emotion, not one glimmer of hope in their eyes.
I woke up this morning, burdened for them. The tightness in my chest had not subsided. My head began to ache. As much I want my headaches to go away, they remind me of the drastic effects of sin in the fallen world we live in. As do the emotionless faces of those women.
I have been given the opportunity to praise God and glorify Him through what could have been a life-altering event in my life- the discovery of a tumor in my brain. Yet, God in His mercy, has allowed this in my life with a purpose that I do not totally understand, yet that I embrace as grace and as a gift and that I will use to glorify Him.
I remember when I was young and my Gran would give all of us grandkids Christmas presents or birthday presents. Especially at Christmas, I remember everyone opening the gifts she gave because you never knew what the outside of the present would look like. You see, my Gran thought it quite senseless to purchase special boxes for gifts when she could save and reuse boxes from household items, packaging from things she had purchased or even empty food boxes- specifically and most often used were empty cereal boxes. Often when they were no boxes around to reuse, the Sunday comics became the wrapping paper of choice! So, we'd open our gifts and often see a corn flakes box or Wheaties, as that was my uncle's cereal of choice back then. (remember the commercials?- "Have you had your Wheaties today?") It would be somewhat a disappointment at first. Especially when we were younger and expecting a He-man toy or a Barbie and we thought we were receiving cereal. But as we continued to unwrap the gift, we saw what was inside the disappointing cereal box. The real gift our Gran had picked out with love or painstakingly made by hand. You see, by that point we'd all but forgotten the package the gift came in and were by now elated and excited and all smiles and full of hugs and kisses for our Gran. She had given us what we had wanted all along, it just came a little different than we expected.
How I long for all to embrace life and all its hurt, pain, suffering, injustice, all that is good for what it truly is- grace- a gift in wrapping that may not seem like much to us, may not be what we expected, and in fact may look very, very disappointing at first. Having this tumor could have been much worse than what it is and in fact at this point, still believed to be minor and responding well to treatment. It was very disappointing to me though when I first heard the diagnosis. I was full of fear. And then, the Lord spoke to me. I realized I had the option to remain in that fear or move on and accept what the Lord had given me as grace and a gift. The packaging was disappointing, however if I kept unwrapping, I would realize the gift was what I'd always wanted. And it is, it truly is. I feel wonderful and I know and feel the Lord's healing touch. The ways in which this past month have blessed me are beyond what I can share in this post, and beyond what I could ever imagine receiving, and much more beyond what I ever could have deserved.
Although not life-altering in a negative way, this illness has been so very life-changing for me. I wake up each morning thankful and meet the day different than ever before. I realize the depths of sin and the effects of sin on our complex, wonderfully designed bodies. How mysterious is the human body. So very complex, yet so easily contaminated by disease and sickness and foreign material that is in the evil world we live in. Never was this the Lord's desire, to see all the suffering in what He once looked upon with great joy and called "Very Good." Yet, for thousands of years, life on this earth is still a gift given to us by our loving, caring Creator. Even in its decaying condition, the earth is full of beauty and wonder and it all points to Jesus. We are a sinful people. Completely undeserving of the love and mercy and grace God pours out upon us. When we choose to live in the disappointment of the packaging, and stop unwrapping, we miss out on the True Gift. We miss out on what is beyond anything we could imagine.
And, isn't that the way our God is? So much more than we ever could imagine.
My heart still hurts for my neighbors. How Lord, can I minister to them? Their hearts are hard. How long will you look upon them with your grace? How long will it be before you 'give them up' to their sinful desires, as it says in Romans?
Oh Jesus, I long for Your return. Yet, Father, mercy I pray for the many, many who wander, still lost and dead in their sins, so far from You. They continue to open packages not from You Lord. They open what has the nice fancy wrapping and looks wonderful on the outside but really is just dark, black, sharp and painful on the inside. It really isn't a gift at all, although it looks like it from the outside. Father, open their eyes, let them see what the True Gift is- Your Son, Jesus. Time and time again, some have heard. They know the Truth, but have yet to let it free them. They continue, stiff necked.
Father, have mercy on them. I pray for their repentance and return to You.
Thank You Jesus, for the greatest gift of all- Salvation in You. Thank You for shedding Your blood- again a gift that at first was so very disappointing, so very sad. Yet, what was found? An empty tomb. Empty burial rags. And then…You. Risen again. Risen Indeed! Not dead, but fully alive!!!
May I continue to see all things as they are- gifts from You.
- new life- Welcome Ezra Syrus McKay!!!
- Shaylene's desire to start discipleship with the older PFK girls and Natalia
-Shaylene's work ethic
-You giving Matt the words he needed when he needed them
-Karlee's knack and gift of organizing a space and decorating well
- the joy of a new home!
- the joy and excitement of life as a journey with You!
PS: Last July we were in the States for Audrey's 7th birthday and we had a birthday party for her with all our family. My mom, being my Gran's daughter, creatively used a frozen mini pizza box to hold one of Audrey's presents and an Oreo cookie stick box for another present. Our third child, who loves food, was so excited when she saw theses two boxes! She truly believed that what was in them was what was on the box was her present and since food is something she loves and these two particular food items were ones she does not get to eat in Costa Rica, she was thrilled!!! She was even more excited when she opened the boxes and found her presents, but I had to share that story!
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