As the Lord ushers in His joy in my life and continues to shower me with His grace, there are times when I see small beginnings of change. I feel it in deep inside. I hear it as it unexpectedly comes out in my words.
And there are times when I fail and it must appear as if I am learning nothing except how to fall. There are days when this stopping, remembering to look heavenward, and to give thanks, becomes too much- those times when I walk in my flesh. It is in those times I wonder, and I ask the Lord- When will my life reflect Luke 9:23?
I've been listening to the song, "What if I Stumble?" by DC Talk alot this past week or so and I just keep meditating on the lyrics and several scriptures the Lord has given me in recent days.
Is this one for the people? Is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame
Cause I see the trust in their eyes
Though the sky is falling
They need Your love in their lives
Compromise is calling
I've been reflecting on Jeremiah 17:9, 10: "The heart is decetiful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind."
and also, "Therefore let him who thinks he stands alone take heed lest he fall." 1 Corinthians 10:12
The truth is there is a battle that rages inside me- that exists between the Living, Breathing, Holy Spirit of God who resides in me, whose ways are not mine...and the dirty, selfish, desires of my flesh who resist the beautiful surrender that needs to happen in order for me to grow and be transformed, renewed by the work of the Spirit.
The truth is that my heart is deceitful, but often I listen to it and ignore the Spirit. The truth is I often succumb to pride, sometimes so very willingly, thinking better of myself and so little of others.
I can't understand it. I don't want to fight the battle, because I know I will fail. I have failed. every. single. day.
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting flame...And so my heart screams...
What if I stumble, what if I fall?The question is not really "what if" but "when?"
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?
And here is the truth in the words of the song...
I hear You whispering my name [You say]
"My love for You will never change" [never change]
Un-ending grace. Spirit-filled. JOY.
Looking to HIM first. Giving thanks. always.
My heart a mess. Broken. Just the way things should be.
Still counting...
#216 a day so good, full of work and play, I fall asleep the minute I lay my head on the pillow
#217 "HUGS Blessings"
#218 delivering school uniforms
#219 thankfulness from moms and kids for uniforms- the chance to go to school
#220 hugs and kisses in thanks (Henry, Cindy, Jose, Hector)
#221 boy, freshly showered, waiting, hands in lap, for his new school uniform (Joel)
#222 girl, despite being sick with a fever, jumping up and down with joy because of our visit and her new uniform (Keilin)
#223 the miracle of multiplication- God stretching the offering for uniforms to allow some 13 more children to be helped
#224 girl movie night- "Hello, Mr. Darcy!"
#225 swimming in the ocean with my girls
#226 Michaela and Sarah :)
#227 arepas :)
#228 playing hard and sleeping good
#229 manta rays in the ocean- WOW!
#230 worshipping in Spirit and in Truth
#231 girl movie night 2...(5 hour A&E version of Pride and Prejudice ROCKS!!!)
#232 the gifts of the Spirit
#233 young kids brought together studying God's Word
#234 surprise return of Karina and Hellen- nightime reunion and sweet, sweet hugs!
#235 never-ending grace
#236 encouragement from godly women- email and blogs- from all over the world
...still counting...watching grace grow...
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